Warning!
This is one of those bad negative aura post. Don’t read if you are in the same condition as I don’t want to be blamed for spreading bad aura.

Let’s start off with everyone else. Ruzhi calls it tsunami, Juliana calls it Avalanche… I call it quicksand. Sucking and drowning me in, deeper and deeper. I’m now helplessly crying out loud for help but because I’m in a desert and no one could hear me no matter how hard I waved my hand. The more I struggle, the deeper I’m in it. Soon, the sand will cover me and I shall drown in it. It’s just matter of time. I have more than 10 items in my todos, tons of overdue readings and revision, not to mention on coming new languages to learn, projects and assignments, soon midterm exam will follow suit. Everyday I look at my calendar, all I can see is a very colourful sight of it. It is colourful because it is being filled with different events that I need to do and handle. I’m losing grip towards my life. I’m really lost in managing my life. I’m stressed every single second and trembling most of the time for being helpless. Unable to sleep is also one big headache to me as I seriously can’t continue losing sleep and having migraine going to classes. Every night, I will wake up to looking at the clock thinking that I overslept or have unfinished task that I need to handle. Even dream is all about that. Not sleeping well is really killing me…

Here’s how my weeks have been and going to be…

endless tight schedule…

I should be rehearsing for my MacNUS seminar on the 10 Free Macware as well as Intro to Leopard now. It’s tomorrow and I’m really not in the mood in teaching people when I don’t have the time. But commiments have to be fulfilled, hence left me no choice here to prepare eventhough I’m no in the mood to do so. I wish to have a universal remote control where I can pause the time and take a deep breathe or a good sleep before going in the war again. It’s really like a war. Im constantly fighting out there with the rest of the battalion against PHP, JSP, Servlets, Server, Network, Security, Databases, Projects, Web Design, Java Programming, Information System, General Biology, bio Lab, Employee Management, Presentation, Video Shooting, Assignments, weekly tutorials, database lab, tonz and tonz of readings so on and so forth… So many to tacle per person… Feeling weaker and weaker almost to surrendering myself by putting up the white flag. But I can’t. I cannot even stop and take a break at all. I need to constantly fight, fight and fight. Endless fight and not knowing how to fight. I’m worried that I might lose the war. The consequences that I have to bear shall I lose this war, is too much for me. Hence, it’s a no turning back war. One way or another, either I fight or I die.

Sick and tired of not knowing what to do. Perhaps I’m still not good in managing my time. Perhaps I’m really disorganized. But I’m really trying hard… I really can’t get it on track. Maybe my methods are wrong. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough? I seriously feel helpless and lost that I’m launched into my depression. I hate being in depressed mood. I can’t do anything at all. I just wish to get a break from all this hectic lifestyle. I cannot even get a break during midterm break. It will be filled with projects as well as catching up with readings. I’m afraid, I’m really afraid that I’m going to fail badly. Quicksand is sinking me deeper and deeper… Deeper and deeper into drowning myself… Will somebody please help me?