Sometimes i feel that i’m the biggest joker in life. There are times that i thought everything will turn out just the way i hope they will. Now i can ensure you that this is really one big joke because things will never go the way you hope them will but instead, they will turn out just the opposite way that you want them to be.

I used to think that I have alot of friends, my social circle is big etc… But at times, I realize… it’s not actually as big as I thought. In fact, it’s small… I guess it’s really difficult for me to get real good friends as I’m such difficult person to be with. I’m fussy, I’m a clean freak, I’m arrogant at times, I don’t talk much and most of all, I’m very very suffocating at times. I guess sometimes when you spend too much time with me especially talking to me, you will feel that you want a break from me. Do I scold people alot? I don’t know… Maybe I really do. Cause some of my friends, even if I didn’t scold them, they would be intimidated to talk to me as they said I’m going to scold them. Perhaps it’s my bad. I mean, why on earth do I bother about other people’s business so much right? It’s not like I don’t have enough problem to handle myself. I’m just being a joker for caring about my friends. Sometimes I even got scolded for caring for them. It makes me felt that whatever I do for them has lost it purposes. Nowadays, I rarely try to befriend and get close to anyone anymore. I rather keep quiet. I guess the cliche “Silence is Golden” that my mum has taught me eversince I’m young is really true. Sometimes I should really just keep my mouth shut.

to be continued…