Believe it or not, it’s 7am in the morning. Everyone in my cluster, in my residence, in NUS and even the Singapore is fast asleep, but yet because of the Lab assignment, I haven’t been sleeping before 4am in the morning. It’s even worst this few days when the Lab assignment is due after one and another. I’m like chasing the time not just minutes by minutes but keeping up with seconds by seconds. Your heartbeat is actually synchronized with the every seconds that went by. My laptop keep on telling me that half and hour has gone by where I don’t feel that half an hour pass by at all. Time is really running fast when I wish they were slow.

There has been alot of stuff going on in my life lately. With all the overwhelming Programming Lab exercise rushing through me, I’ve very much neglected my other modules. It’s certainly difficult to juggle between everything and it’s really difficult for me to please everyone. I have my financial accounting module that need me to transalate whatever I’ve learned in the STPM from Malay to English, my Management and Organization needs me to do a Video presentation that can give the user cross cultural lesson, my Entrepreneurial Marketing requires me to give a full biz plan, my Computer and Society requires me to do a full detail case write up on the Social Phenomenon of the world. Not to forget, I need to brush up my English… With all this thing coming crashing me, I really don’t know how long can I push myself to the extend. There are friends, family, one pager that I need to cope with, surveys, forum, resourcebase, subject pool and coding, coding, coding. Anyway, one thing I’m happy bout all this is that, I made the choice myself to come here and that I’ve not regret on the choice that I made. Just that sometimes, I really hope that I will get some breathing allowance. I’ve been living through a very tense week, all I hope is to take a break from everything and that start fresh then headback to work. But seems like, problems never stop flowing in. I know I slack alot, but I really am trying hard to be better, to strive harder. All I need is a break, a break free from everything especially problems that is bothering me hell of my brain. Perhaps all I need is more understanding or care?

I really miss my home, my mum and dad. It’s not like I can’t stand on my own feet, just that I rather hide underneath them, have them stand out or stand up for me whenever I have problems. But I guess I can no longer afford to do so, I need to grow up. I regret in ruining a person’s future cuz that person meant so much for me. I wish I could help in anyway to make things better, but seems like, whatever I do, I just make it worst. It hurts and it’s difficult for me to see such a disappointed and hurt soul lying there helplessly when I can’t do anything to help at all. I guess that’s part of life. You can never do everything and not feel helpless when you can’t do anything to help at all. I just wish to say sorry and I hope that somehow, there will be another door opened to turn all the bad side over.

Can’t believe I didn’t sleep for the whole night. The sun has just came out and I can hear birds chirping. Another new day has begun, and another day has just went by. Perhaps too many stuff is running through my mind now that I couldn’t get myself to bed. Lab 2 is due today and Lab3 is waiting to spring on me silently in my Coursemarker. sigh… Hope that I could make it on time. I need guidance and help desperately. At least, someone to be by myside and encourage me will make me feel better I guess. ( or maybe a half cooked egg plus ketchup with bread will do? ) Hope that I could still go on and not break down and lose hope in everything.

Praying hard……