The Hardest Thing
98 Degrees

We both know that I shouldn’t be here
This is wrong
And, baby, it’s killing me, it’s killing you
Both of us tryin’ to be strong
I’ve got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
And someone else who loves me
And trusts me fast asleep
I’ve made up my mind
There is no turning back
She’s been good to me
And she deserves better than that

Chorus
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you

I know that we’ll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I’ve got to be cruel to be kind
Like Dr. Zhivago
All my love I’ll be sending
And you will never know
‘Cause there can be no happy ending

Chorus
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you

Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can’t stay
I’ve made up my mind
There is no turning back
She’s been good to me
And she deserves better than that

[Chorus]
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do(oo eyah)
To look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry(oh baby I)
I can’t let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart’s not free
We’re not meant to be(oo)
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don’t love you

don’t wanna live a lie
what to do

很清楚的知道她不合適自己，可是更確定的是他不會主動說分手。
他只是耗著等著，直到有一天女生自己受不了忽冷忽熱、若即若
離的態度，或是等到年華老去不得不下決定時，自己選擇離開。
妳的主動離開，我沒有負心，反而是尊重與成全妳的決定。



半年後發現，他居然可以跟一個只認識三個月的女生步入禮堂，
令她晴天霹靂，才明白他不是不想結婚，不是真的不婚主義者，
說穿了只是他不想跟妳結婚。
八年的愛情長跑比不上三個月的感情。



這位故事中的男生是我的朋友，現在也已經結婚半年。
當他聽到劉若英的「後來」，居然會無法克制的流眼淚，想起
的是他交往八年的前任女友。
為什麼會難過，因為妻子身上有著前任女友的影子，
他才明白其實他喜歡的就是這種類型的女孩。



可是人往往很矛盾，喜歡她的倔強與有性格，卻受不了她的嬌縱。
喜歡她的落落大方，卻受不了她的朋友一堆；
你愛她的小家碧玉，就不要怪她不夠大方；
你愛她的活潑大方，就不要批評她像花蝴蝶一樣。
戀愛談的愈長，結婚的可能性就愈低，
所以有時候戀愛的長度與結婚的可能性成反比。



喜新厭舊是人性，日子久了，會結婚不是為了愛情，而是責任
感的驅使。婚後的他才慢慢的發現，當時的那一段感情其實不
是不愛，是時間太久了太長了，把愛情給磨掉了，再遇到另一
個女孩點燃了愛情的火苗，星星之火足以遼源，把枯竭已久的
愛情給予生命，所以倉促的決定結婚。
等到真的結婚後，愛情降了溫，才慢慢的發現其實妻子的身上
有著許多前任女友的影子，他比較愛的人其實還是前任女友，
可是他娶的卻不是她。
這樣的情節不知道是不是也在別處同樣上演著？



學生時代的愛情很單純，出社會以後總想等工作穩定以後再結
婚，工作穩定以後又想等有一點積蓄買車子、買房子以後再結
婚，等著等著，等到愛情被時光給消磨，等到第三者介入點燃
了對方心中激情的火苗，乾柴烈火不可收拾以後，曾經在年少
一起織夢的理想全都抵擋不了新鮮感的激情，所以琵琶別抱，
到最後步入禮堂的都不是在一起同甘共苦、共同經歷過寒、暑
假，等當兵的人。



所以奉勸各位女孩子，
如果對方真的是你想結婚的對象，不要想著有房子有車子有金
子，有了一切再結婚。
現實是，等他有了一切，他的身價暴漲是有價值的單身貴族，
他必需要面臨的是更多的誘惑，妳長久以來的等待與年輕時許
下的山盟海誓都難以抵擋誘惑排山倒海的來。
就像我現在若不嫁他，非得等到他有車子有房子還有存款時再
結婚，那時新娘有極高的可能不是我。
因為要等到什麼都有還要幾年？
有能力的男人就像酒愈久愈香醇，女人則像麵包一樣有賞味期
限，青春是女人的天敵。
如果我是他，等到我三十五歲，什麼都有是個有上千萬身價的
黃金單身漢，我並不需要一個很有能力而年過三十的女人來幫
襯我，我寧可選個如花似玉，年輕貌美的女生，也許沒有什麼
工作能力，至少發揮了賞心悅目的功能，一個真正有能力的男
人，不會在乎一個女人是否能在他的財富上加乘。
遇上對的人，莫等待莫蹉跎，也許沒有房子沒有車子，只要他
認真上進，他就是張有潛力的積優股，早點進場獲利更高。



也提醒各位男士，
如果對方真的是你想好好疼愛的女人，別讓她等太久，有她一
起陪你奮鬥應該是很美好的一件事除非你心中有其他的想法，
否則別讓愛情等太久，把真愛都磨掉了！雖然聽起來很殘忍,但
身邊的家人朋友都有類似的例子。



真愛，就不要等，除非是不想結婚……

《幾米讀白》

沉溺

总在期待些什么的，
是奇迹吗？
还是自欺欺人的假象？
不可能的会变成可能吗？
该醒醒了，
不可以在沉溺于梦幻与现实间，
梦幻与现实，
真真与假假，
冲昏了我的头.

Gosh, I hate it when I need to be creative and I’m NOT! I can’t think of anything special to do with my presentation and I’m wasting my time hogging over the applications and doing nothing. I don’t want exams, I just want to study and learn at my own pace! >.<

Guess I will have to work whole night again to pull it all together. 2 presentations man… Tedious. Btw, pray hard for me that my Havard hoody won’t shrink in the dryer.

Does Red Bull really work? I don’t know… Gona see how far it’s gona take me. Good for you people who can go to bed and sleep all you want. I wish I have more time. Sucky…

邂逅

总在毫无防备之下和你不期而遇，
与佊此擦肩而过,
看过你那深情款款的眼睛
总带有着忧郁的味道
那昙花一现的笑容更突显著你的悲伤
有人让你难过了吗？
我会知道吗？

遇见你
是冥冥中的注定吗？
也许吧…
两条平行的直线会有交界的一天吗？
天哓得…
可否会有相碰的一天？
但愿吧…

2005 年 9 月 14 日

Life lately hasn’t been great like the way i thought it would be. My biological clock is certianly screwed up. Most of the time I sleep at 6am just to finish my projects and at times I woke up at 9am to go to class. Though I didn’t sleep in the class but I’m really tired not just physically tired but mentally worn out as well. My modules are mostly project oriented, therefore there’s alot of projects that I need to work on. I guess those who have told us University life is easy and fun really has no idea what NUS university life is all about. If I were to work as hard as I’m working now back in Malaysia, I’m sure I’m one of the top of the class. But now, here, no matter how hard you work, still you will never be the top. There’s always people better than you, greater than you and far more superior than you.

Anyway, although I need to rush my lab assignment one after another, but still I never hate it, In fact, I felt like learning more about it, but too bad, I’m way behind my studies so I’m actually having a hard time struggling and even nearly drowned. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not as slacking as I used to be anymore. I’m glad that I’m not, but still there is room for improvement. Been really struggling with my innerself, the lazy side of me. When my will is strong enough, I win, but when i’m weak especially when I’m half awake, the lazy side of me wins. Hate that when it happens. Hopefully I can b stronger, I really need to be stronger. Looking at my timetable… what a colourful thingy… the more colourful it is, the more busy I am. My lab4 is still lying around there waiting to gulp me down. How happy is that.

Finally I got my cases to protect my precious powerbook. It’s a fabrix cases. You ought to check them out. It fits perfectly for my powerbook and my ipod. I love them. It’s snuggly fitting my powerbook and ipod. Now i can carry both of them with me in my backpack instead of d big bulky laptop bag which d bag itself is heavier than d powerbook. Anyway, classes on soon. More updates soon I hope….

我怕寂寞嗎？

也許吧…

人本來就是怕寂寞的動物

或許我只渴望得到多一點的觀注
或許我只希望有個人陪著我
或許我真的怕寂寞

又或許

我深怕著…
你不記得我這個怕寂寞的人

Heck! This actually comes out after I got my beloved iPod.

Specifications for iPod Nano
Capacity

* 2GB or 4GB flash drive(1)
* Holds 500 to 1,000 songs in 128-Kbps AAC format(2)
* Holds up to 25,000 iPod nano-viewable photos(2)
* Stores data via USB flash drive

Display

* 1.5 inch (diagonal) liquid crystal display with blue-white LED backlight
* 176 x 132 pixel resolution, .168-mm dot pitch
* Support for display of multiple languages and characters simultaneously

Audio

* Skip-free playback
* Frequency response: 20Hz to 20,000Hz
* Audio formats supported: AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Music Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3 and 4), Apple Lossless, AIFF and WAV
* Upgradable firmware enables support for future audio formats

Headphones

* Earbud-style headphones with 18-mm drivers using Neodymium transducer magnets
* Frequency response: 20Hz to 20,000Hz
* Impedance: 32 ohms

Mac system requirements

* Macintosh computer with USB port (USB 2.0 recommended)
* Mac OS X v10.3.4 or later

Windows system requirements

* PC with USB port or card (USB 2.0 recommended)
* Windows 2000 with Service Pack 4 or later, or Windows XP Home or Professional with Service Pack 2 or later

Customizable settings

* Customize main menu
* Create multiple On-the-Go playlists
* Adjust audiobook playback speed
* Clicker playback through headphones
* Rate songs
* Shuffle songs or albums
* Repeat one or all
* Sound Check on or off
* 20 Equalizer settings
* Backlight timer
* Display contrast
* Alarms on, off or silent
* Sleep timer
* Date and time
* Display time in menu bar
* Contacts sort and display by first or last names
* Clicker on or off
* Languages: Czech, Danish, Dutch, English, Finnish, French, German, Greek, Hungarian, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Russian, Simplified Chinese, Spanish, Swedish, Traditional Chinese and Turkish
* Additional language support for display of song, album and artist information: Bulgarian, Croatian, Romanian, Serbian, Slovak, Slovenian and Ukrainian

Environmental requirements

* Operating temperature: 32° to 95° F (0° to 35° C)
* Non operating temperature: -4° to 113° F (-20° to 45° C)
* Relative humidity: 5% to 95% noncondensing
* Maximum operating altitude: 10,000 feet (3000 m)

Input and output

* Dock connector
* 3.5-mm stereo headphone jack

Power and battery (3)

* Built-in rechargeable lithium ion battery
* Playtime: Up to 14 hours when fully charged(3)
* Photo slideshow with music viewing time: Up to 4 hours when fully charged(3)
* Charging via USB or FireWire to computer system or power adapter
o Fast-charge time: about 1.5 hours (charges up to 80% of battery capacity)
o Full-charge time: about 3 hours

Size and weight

* Height: 3.5 in
* Width: 1.6 in
* Depth: 0.27 in
* Weight: 1.5 oz

Taken from < apple >

still i love my iPod

一年以後，

時間會把美麗的變成不美，把不美的讓我給忘了，也把你給忘了嗎？

乞求著……

Believe it or not, it’s 7am in the morning. Everyone in my cluster, in my residence, in NUS and even the Singapore is fast asleep, but yet because of the Lab assignment, I haven’t been sleeping before 4am in the morning. It’s even worst this few days when the Lab assignment is due after one and another. I’m like chasing the time not just minutes by minutes but keeping up with seconds by seconds. Your heartbeat is actually synchronized with the every seconds that went by. My laptop keep on telling me that half and hour has gone by where I don’t feel that half an hour pass by at all. Time is really running fast when I wish they were slow.

There has been alot of stuff going on in my life lately. With all the overwhelming Programming Lab exercise rushing through me, I’ve very much neglected my other modules. It’s certainly difficult to juggle between everything and it’s really difficult for me to please everyone. I have my financial accounting module that need me to transalate whatever I’ve learned in the STPM from Malay to English, my Management and Organization needs me to do a Video presentation that can give the user cross cultural lesson, my Entrepreneurial Marketing requires me to give a full biz plan, my Computer and Society requires me to do a full detail case write up on the Social Phenomenon of the world. Not to forget, I need to brush up my English… With all this thing coming crashing me, I really don’t know how long can I push myself to the extend. There are friends, family, one pager that I need to cope with, surveys, forum, resourcebase, subject pool and coding, coding, coding. Anyway, one thing I’m happy bout all this is that, I made the choice myself to come here and that I’ve not regret on the choice that I made. Just that sometimes, I really hope that I will get some breathing allowance. I’ve been living through a very tense week, all I hope is to take a break from everything and that start fresh then headback to work. But seems like, problems never stop flowing in. I know I slack alot, but I really am trying hard to be better, to strive harder. All I need is a break, a break free from everything especially problems that is bothering me hell of my brain. Perhaps all I need is more understanding or care?

I really miss my home, my mum and dad. It’s not like I can’t stand on my own feet, just that I rather hide underneath them, have them stand out or stand up for me whenever I have problems. But I guess I can no longer afford to do so, I need to grow up. I regret in ruining a person’s future cuz that person meant so much for me. I wish I could help in anyway to make things better, but seems like, whatever I do, I just make it worst. It hurts and it’s difficult for me to see such a disappointed and hurt soul lying there helplessly when I can’t do anything to help at all. I guess that’s part of life. You can never do everything and not feel helpless when you can’t do anything to help at all. I just wish to say sorry and I hope that somehow, there will be another door opened to turn all the bad side over.

Can’t believe I didn’t sleep for the whole night. The sun has just came out and I can hear birds chirping. Another new day has begun, and another day has just went by. Perhaps too many stuff is running through my mind now that I couldn’t get myself to bed. Lab 2 is due today and Lab3 is waiting to spring on me silently in my Coursemarker. sigh… Hope that I could make it on time. I need guidance and help desperately. At least, someone to be by myside and encourage me will make me feel better I guess. ( or maybe a half cooked egg plus ketchup with bread will do? ) Hope that I could still go on and not break down and lose hope in everything.

Praying hard……