Mood : Dizzy
Listenin to Jolin Tsai - Dao Dai
gosh im feeling real dizzy now. i think itz bcoz of the bfast i haf dis morning, im so dizzy tat i felt like vomiting. i slept for da whole afternoon, but da doorbell kips on ringing and the phonecalls kip on coming in. heck, wat a day. mayb i’m havin food poisoning or wat. i dunno.
few hours later
im back and im much better now i guess. at least da diziness is not so obvious like just now. my bro just called, they said they will only come back after dinner. well, i guess today’s home alone really. suddenly i felt like blogging i dunno y, i guess i know why i failed in my life so miserably. itz bcz i dun give my very best in doing anything. i used to b one of the best in school but then i guess d ego got over my head and when at last i ditched da ego, i pay no perseverance in anything i do. i guess my MUET teacher was rite. i dun put 100% of effort in things i should b doing best and i take everything too easily. Now, i make my life hard n difficult.yes, truly hard n difficult that i don’t even know where on earth do i stand now.
i used to have vision when im much younger, i know which way im supposed to head and im sure with what i want. i’m somebody last time. but now, im so fucking lost that i dun even know what i want in life. i lost track in my true identity, but there are pros and cons of cuz. Pros is, im not tat ego like da way i used to be, u should see me back 10 years time, i think everyone would like to give me a punch in my face. i wanted to do so myself thinkin bout it. i hate d me in d past, thatz y i tend to not b tat someone anymore and let everything go easy. i guess after years of thinkin, dis is d moment i let go of myself slipping away from the path that i should b strivin hard for. i’ve wasted what my parents gave to me. and now, im nobody at all.
i mean, most of my frenz got into uni, studying what will secure them a good job. but me? if only i have better result with my SPM. i really throw away d SPM n now STPM. how fuckin happy and great. but if only means it didn’t happen. so now, im a loser which cost my own life in losing it. i guess many ppl will say, this is not the end of the world. yeah, true perhaps. but v all knew how the reality is rite?
i’ve got really itchy hands. i go and log in to d form application of the Local Uni and it seems i haf 3 more chances to amend my form which i forfeited one of the chance. so here’s a word of warning to all my pals, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME, at CC or at anywhere. puh….lease WAIT until the RESULTs is OUT. well, hopefully i wont fill in wrongly or indecisive of my decision. though im still very much in dis condition.
im really interested in doing be it Graphic Design or Software Engineering. But my parents are against me doing those courses. They tend to think that all these courses are just like those common IT courses. and that itz gona be difficult in securing a good job. i guess they mite have some point somehow somewhere. oh well, i just don’t feel like toking bout dis anymore. i will haf to just try my lucks with scholarship if possible. there’s 8 Choices that i haf to fill in the Uni options Tab. i still dunno which 8 choices i’m gona choose. it all depends on the result, which i doubt i will b getting a good one. i think most likely im gona apply with my SPM result. haha…
im thinkin of getting a new swatch Irony Chrono which gona cost 400 bucks, a devArt subscription which gonna cost 113.8 bucks, yearn for a .com domain name as well. but not so soon i guess. mayb in later part of my life. well, everything involves money and i cant even get a job that i can use to pay up my Guitar Lesson which cost RM 120 per month. i wan a good pay part time job. this is really d reality uh? i mean u need money for everything….
by the way, im eyeing of one of this ;þ
