Hisashiburi (long time no see).
Can’t believe it has been so long since I last post here.
I am now into another stage in life and I am contemplating of moving/deleting/closing down this blog
Not sure which choice should I adopt.
Comments please?

Anyway, some changes/updates in life before I decide what I want to do with this blog
- Learned Japanese for 1 year
- Bought lots of stuff
- Getting worse in English
- Not thinking straight
- Degraded memory
- Found temporary relieve for my hyperhidrosis (Drysol is the saviour)
- Moving out soon
- Moving in to a sort of nice place but everyone exclaimed that it’s expensive
- Got a new MBP

What remains the same?
- Still sweat a lot when glands are activated
- Still broke
- Still lost
- Still hopeless
- Still emo
- Still pessimist

Keep me posted with all your updates when you see this. =)

所有时间，逝去了，就无法再复返
决定，选择了，就没有后悔的余地
有些人，擦肩而过，就无法再遇到
有些人，逝世了，就仅有剩下奠念
也有些人，放手了，就无法再挽回
有些快乐，消失了，就无法再找回
有些悲伤，痛过了，就不想再触碰
有些感情，转淡了，幸福就走远了
有些回忆，遗忘了，就无法再唤起
有些路，一旦踏上了，就没有回头

Darkness falls. Wind, blowing ferociously. Silhouette of trees loomed over the quiet street. Everything is so dark that he could barely see her face. She just came out from the Parkson supermarket building after getting some snacks with M and Y together with two jrs. As usual, his attention is always on her. For all these years, she never knew or maybe she knows and pretend that she doesn’t. He wouldn’t know.

They just ended their annual gathering. He seemed to be on the wrong side as the rest of the guys are at the opposite bus stop. He insisted to be on this side so that he can be with her just for a little while more and escort her back home. No sign of any busses. Thunder is growling in the background with the violent wind accompanying the occasion lightning streaks forming the perfect thunderstorm orchestra. She complains her hunger grumpily as she did not eat enough during the gathering itself. The rest of the girls joined in as well. He tries to calm her down by asking all of them to eat what they have just bought.

Heavy rain pours mercilessly. He gaze into her eyes again subconciously, but quickly avoided when she feels it. Everything seems familiar yet foreign. After all, he hasn’t been back to this town for quite some time. Things changed. Even people changed. But things between her and him have never changed. She is thirsty… He ran into the supermarket right away to get her a drink after gathering everyone else’s order. He could only think of her order. The supermarket has changed. What he remembers seemed so vague. Almost all of the shelfs’ locations are different now.

The entrance guard stopped him from entering the store without leaving his bag outside. He followed obediently after unloading everything out of his bag, afraid that his stuff will get stolen. It’s no longer a safe place that you can simply leave your things around. It felt like a night in Gotham City. Siren screeching from near to far. He just wish to quickly grab what he needs to get and go back to her side. He is worried of leaving her outside of the supermarket. A Ribena pack is all he is looking for. Giving up, after searching high and low, he went out. There is a sudden urge of emptiness in his hand just like his heart. Her cellphone that he was holding earlier on is gone.

Panic, he went back to the supermarket frantically. Sweat beads are forming on his forehead like the raindrops falling on the windscreen of cars. He saw a familiar face, a lady that he saw earlier one before he went into the supermarket. He asked the lady whether she saw any cellphone dropped at the area, the lady ignored him. Left with no choice, he went around scouting on the floor to search for the lost cellphone. The lady saw his anxiety. She waved to him and ask him over. She then carried out a big bag in black from her left. She put the bag in front of him. “Check whether your phone is inside.” He was shocked to see so many cellphone inside. “They dropped it, I picked them up.” She tries to defend herself. He can’t judge anymore whether is that right or wrong. All he knows is that he needs to get THE phone back or else he will need to bear a serious consequence like her not forgiving him. He is just thankful that the lady is willing to help him.

Just when he was about to look through the bag, the rest came and joined him. He left the crowd and went on trying his luck one more round inside the supermarket. By the time he returned, they surrendered the lady to the manager of the supermarket. Apparently he passed the phone to a jr earlier on and the jr who was holding the phone earlier on went off during the whole paranoid situation. He sighed out of relief.

Guilt rushed through his veins as he looks at the lady being summoned by her manager and being fired in front of everyone. Everyone stopped what they are doing at that moment to look at the on going. Some were pointing fingers while some were whispering to each other.

He wish he could have done something. He wish he hasn’t cause such a scene and that the lady will not be brought under the spotlight just because of him. He couldn’t bare looking into the lady’s eye. His empathy is fooling his mind. Helpless, he knows that he will never be able to redeem that piece of guilt he felt inside. But it is too late for him to do anything now. Too late indeed…

假期终于结束了，每个人都在给自己留下各种各样的承诺与理想
这个假期我虚度了吗？也许吧！
反正每个学期的开始我都如此的重复着
这应该是最后一个我可以如此虚度的假期了

整个假期唯一让我觉得踏实的
应该就是我得到了我梦寐以求的相机以及拍了许多照片
有了我拍照的理念，但不懂是否应该放上来 网路的抄袭让我有了恐惧

也许很快的我就会搬离这博客，前面有着许多事情等待着我
现在最重要的就是把手头上的事物给处理掉，我需要很多时间
电脑很慢，但是近期内应该都不会换新的
目前的我投入了一个十分昂贵的爱好 - 摄影
其他的都应该不重要了，至少暂时不重要

我疲倦了，只想为我的梦想迈进，不想被其他的事物干扰
比如必须做的影片剪接，
比如处理一些不关紧要的事，如设计T恤等等
我只想学我的日语，为我的计划做准备
在这最后一年，为自己，为将来干些什么
我需要我的专注

Something that came out nice when I accidentally clicked the shutter.

I am loving my camera. =)

头疼着，心寒了…
夜，冰冻了我的身体…
我颤抖着…
某些事物，某些感觉，
莫名的涌上心头
从前现在，现实假象，混淆不已
触碰着，聆听着，
血，如秒针般，
滴答滴答的流着, 慢慢凝固…
一片宁静，只有那急促的呼吸…
停止挣扎，任由意愿，微薄下去
噗通…
寂静
消失

近来的我缺乏灵感,
做什么事都十分的不顺利
没钱进，却只知道花呀花

对自己有太多的不满，
很多时候都不知道自己在干些什么
就只知道团团转忙茫盲
需要做的事情越堆越多
假期达到了什么也不清楚

越看自己就越讨厌，
也许我应该叫讨厌
人矮，但却做不了什么
背驼，也做不了什么
很笨，总是迷迷糊糊的

很多时候我真的很不明白我自己到底在为什么生存
我真的很想停止这一切无谓的生活

我名字改了，
我叫晏彦，也叫讨厌

总觉得我人生活得十分的空虚
每天都追求这一些很虚有的念头，理想，甚至物质
任何事物都要完美无损的
更不允许任何的瑕疵

很多时候，就因为无法达到完美就选择了放弃
要不就半途而废
其实这样的做法，
最不完美，最有瑕疵的就是自己

而且这样子的我也让自己养成了拖拉的坏习惯
没有任何事，不拖到最后一分钟才逼着自己去做
真的何苦呢？
有时间就应该把该做的事做好
拖拖拉拉出来的成绩，
完全不能符合自己的完美主义
两者相互轮转，无法达到平衡点
很多时候，严重打击自己的自信心
很容易的就沦陷成一种逃不掉的忧郁
一直一直的在恶性循环下去

也觉得我做人十分缺乏坚持
凡事都虎头蛇尾
从来没有一件事可以杀他一个干干净净
每次都以最美的姿态出场，
最糟糕的结尾收场，
更不用谈得上什么姿态
往往都是累了自己，
伤害了别人
十分的不道德

我更尤其觉得我严重缺乏自律
往往什么事都我行我素
爱做什么就做什么
不爱做就不做
即使是应该做的事
即使是答应了自己别人的事
总是可以为这样的行为辩护自己
种种的理由，自我安慰特别好

如果我无法改变以上的几点
我真的一辈子也不会是什么
注定就这样浑浑噩噩的过我的一生
成功与否还是须要靠自己

Toys… It has been so long since I talk about my toys
I’ve gotten some interesting toys lately
Something that I longed to have since I don’t know when

Yup, I’ve finally gotten my camera
Big ass type of camera mind you
it’s a big purchases I know…
Now im broke and poor…

Proudly presents…
the Canon 40D Kit 1



with the Canon EF-S 18-55MM f/3.5-5.6 IS



and the Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 Mk II



in order to fit everything, I have my trusted Crumpler 6 Million dollar home



I also gotten myself a Sandisk 4GB Extreme III CF card, lens filters and the whole package comes with a Sandisk 2GB memory card, Philips 8-Inch LCD Photo Frame (White), a Canon EF Lens Workbook.

Things to get in the future probably when I have the money :
Canon Speedlite 580EX II
Tripod
Additional batteries
Addtional CF card
Joby Gorrilapod perhaps…
Lens babies perhaps…
Canon EF-S 10-22mm f/3.5-4.5 US (maybe not if I am going to a full frame body some day)
Canon EF-S 55-250mm f/4-5.6 IS (maybe not if I am going to a full frame body some day)

Other toys that I have purchased from last year till now are
the iPod Touch
and my trusty little Canon IXUS 75

Next up on the list hopefully will be the Apple iPhone 3G
It’s all about the $$$

死生契阔，与子成说；执子之手，与子谐老。——《国风·邶风〈击鼓〉》

他们说季节是人心中的年轮，一日一日流动的光芒里，你终于忘不了的和总是放不下的，就那么沉淀下来，一圈又一圈，镂刻在离灵魂最近的地方。人们常常浑然不觉，只是当某一天惊讶的看到镜中自己褶皱的容颜时，才始发现，原来沧桑年年有痕。
　　古诗里写，微风起于青萍之末。而我对着陌上窗前喧嚣的红尘常常地想，那些爱或者不爱的问题，那些情与恋旖旎纠缠里的风生水起，是起于哪里，又会止在何方。亲爱的朋友啊，我们各自重逢在各自的生命里，这一切的一切，你懂，还是我懂呢？
　　秋凉了，这些天南京又在飘雨，我踩着梧桐淡黄色的落叶走在风里，看着人行路上来来往往的人群，带着各自的悲欢离合，迎面而来，又要擦肩远去，季节本就是这样嬗递的吧，而人行走在尘世里，原来，莫不如此脆如蝶衣。
　　就这样忽然的心血来潮，好想去一次江南古老的村落，好想去走一趟，那条长长窄窄的青石小巷，听听跫音回响，也好想，坐一次渡船，俗世里溺水三千，就让光阴为桨，渡我去彼岸，别去担心此岸的繁华如花我是否会留恋，只是陌上如烟的红尘里，谁，是那个摆渡的人？
　　佛箴里说红尘无爱，那么，请允许我就此掸下这一袖的繁华吧，无论在前世今生渡我的，是那瓣红莲还是那片绿叶，我只想在暮色苍茫的渡口前略过浮烟，不染纤尘。
　　而亲爱的，你还记不记得那些悠悠光阴里的古老故事。一个男子所钟爱的女子嫁人了，而新郎不是他，他伤心欲绝，准备爬上断崖一死了之。断崖上有一个寺庙名曰白云，在男子跳下去的一刹那，白云寺的方丈拉住了他。施主，方丈掌心合十轻轻地说，你想不想随我来，看一些东西你再跳也不迟。男子疑惑地随他走进了禅房，方丈拿出一个钵，用袖子随意地拂了一下，男子探过头去，他发现钵里是另外一个世界。一个女子赤身裸体僵死在路旁，过往的行人要么掩鼻而过，要么只是轻轻地摇一下头，但没有人停下来。过了一会，一个进京赶考的书生路过这里，他实在不忍心看到女子赤着身任人观望，迟疑了一下，便脱下了自己的外套盖在了女子的身上才转身离去。又过了一些日子，另外一个好心的过路人，募集了一些银子买了一口棺材，埋葬了女子。钵里的画面至此渐渐隐去了。男子还是不解。施主，老方丈摇了一下头说，这就是你的前世今生啊。路边躺着的女子，是你今生所钟爱的人，你，是第一个路人，那个赶考的书生。而娶她的，是第二个埋葬她的人。你与她有缘，因为她要还你前生的一衣之恩，所以她今生要陪你走过这一程，可她最终总要离去，因为她今生需要以身报答的，却是那个前世埋葬她的人。那么，你还要跳吗？方丈闭口不再多言，转身离去。男子彻悟。
　　原来如此，原来如此。
　　生命虔诚温柔，而我们路过的风景，爱过的人，遗憾过的往事，那一场一场又一场的阴差阳错，那些长长人生路上旧日足迹今朝回望的一径轻寒，原本就是如此的简单，是吗。可那些曾经许下的诺言，那些过往日子里如荷般怅然的心事，那每一个猝不及防的瞬间啊，真的就可以这样一笔带过吗？
　　死生契阔，与子成悦；执子之手，与子偕老。多少个朝代的女子守望着的古老诺言就在这个有雨的黄昏从我的掌心渐渐泛化开来，象浮叶落花一般，将我的文字染的班驳陆离，也禁锢住了我的笔，而亲爱的朋友啊，我可不可以就此拉住你的脚步，留你细听，这些方方正正的字体堆积起来的，请别认为它仅仅是文字的游戏。或许是我的笔太钝了，怎么就透不过这层薄薄的纸背，而我所想告诉你的那些关于生命和光阴的真实的东西，它们依旧静静的停泊在岁月的倒影里，不曾稍离。
　　那么今世，爱了就爱了吧，请握住那双手，别在茫茫的红尘中丢了彼此，就这样一直走下去，走到天荒地老，走到岁月的尽头，走到奈何桥的那一头，在端起孟婆汤的那一刻，也要在心中感恩，这一生，谢谢你陪我走。
　　要么此生，错过了就错过了吧，不要遗憾，不要怨恨，不要无休止地追问，更不要在谁是与谁非中纠缠不休，俗世本如错综复杂的黑白牌理，缘里缘外的喧嚣纷扰铭刻在三生石畔，我们能相遇已是不易了啊。所以，我才想告诉你，不要轻易去伤一个人，也学着忘记那些牵牵缠缠和恩恩怨怨。生命里那些来来往往的人啊，无论他陪你走过多远，请在注定分离的时候，好好说一声再见，从此，你是你，我是我，我们互不相欠，各奔幸福，即使在梦中遇到了，也不要打招呼，就这么笑一笑擦肩而过吧，九转轮回里永不相见。既然爱成往事，情已错过，又何必在心底苦守，那一地阑珊。
　　这一去应该有轮回吧，人生本就如一蓑烟雨，满河长风。谁可以永恒不变的守谁一辈子，什么又叫做真正的长久？季节里的流光如沙，转眼就是沧海桑田，多少沉如磐石的诺言啊，今朝它们在哪里。
　　所以，借一叶舟给我，陌上红尘三千，请渡我去彼岸，传说那里有岁月熔炼的安宁，也传说，日日随流水，行到水穷处，就该是坐看云起时。